


Cell Me

by TheDeathEcchi



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Humor, Pearl clueless about cellphones, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 19:04:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10860159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeathEcchi/pseuds/TheDeathEcchi
Summary: With Steven, Connie, and Greg having phones, Pearl opted for the basic family plan. The issue of how to actually pay for it would come later, but more than likely it would be Greg's territory.And once they made it back to the temple, Pearl got it with both barrels.





	Cell Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is ridiculous and had to be shared with people~

It took nothing short of a miracle to convince Pearl that she needed to call the Mystery Girl. The only issue, however, was the lack of a phone. And according to Steven, there was a whole process involved. She had to do it in person, to her chagrin. But if it allowed her to maintain some sort of contact with her new lip-pierced friend, she would do virtually anything. Except eat or drink.

"And heeeeeeeeere we are!" shouted Steven with a flourish, twirling on his heel as he gestured to the store he brought the gems to. A small, square-shaped shop in gray, black, and red, 'Transistor Tent' atop the roof in gleaming, glossy letters.

"Transistor Tent?" scoffed Amethyst. "Who comes up with these names?"

"It used to be called Conduit Village, but they had to change it for legal reasons." smiled Steven as he breezed through the door, the gems on his heels.

Steven took a deep inhale and sighed blissfully at the familiar smell of his favorite electronics store. RC cars, music players, and all manner of electric gadgetry lines the walls. People young and old milled about, perusing the wares, chatting, or simply ogling what new stock they had in today.

"Peridot would love this place." mused Amethyst as she looked over a radio.

"Steven!" The youngest gem turned to meet the smiling face of the manager, Milton. "If it isn't my favorite customer! Need a new phone again?"

"Not today!" replied the brunette. He nudged Pearl's leg and motioned for her to step forward. "Pearl needs a phone this time."

Milton clicked his tongue as he looked Pearl up and down. "Hm...you've got a professional sort of air about you."

"Thank...you?" said Pearl, giving Steven a bewildered glance.

"Yep, you seem like a Galaxy type."

"...Well...I _am_ a gem."

"No, no, it's a type of phone. Come along, let's see if we can find you something."

And thus doom was set in motion.

-/-/-/-/-

Pearl held the small, rectangular object in her hands, cocking a quizzical brow. She'd seen phones before, used them a few times, but she swore that every year, they became different. She rather missed the days of rotary phones; there was something oddly enjoyable about the gentle rolling and clicking as she dialed. Now the objective seemed to be to pummel your phone as hard as you could without actually breaking it.

"Do you like it?" asked Milton. "It comes with Infinity Screen, Bixby learning, as well as 360 and VR capabilities. And we're offering a special deal today only; when you sign up for a Transistor Tent club card, you get 30% off the first month of whatever plan you pick!"

Pearl blinked in a combination of both utter confusion and frustrated bafflement. Milton might as well have spoken Greek to her. And she actually knew Greek. "Uuuuuuh..."

"Maybe something a little more simple, Milton?" ventured Steven. "Pearl's not exactly...phone-savvy."

"What is she, Amish?"

Steven and Pearl shared a glance. "...Kinda?"

"Okay, lemme see if I can find something a bit more retro. Be right back." With that, Milton flitted off into the back of the store.

Pearl rested against the counter and took a breath she didn't even know she needed. "Was he speaking English?"

"That was just tech talk." smirked Steven. "Don't worry, I understood everything he said. Milton knows what's up."

"Steven," replied Pearl with her own smirk. "Two months ago, you were convinced that there was a gem hidden in your VCR because it wouldn't stop displaying 12 'o' clock." At that, Steven could only blush and mutter in embarrassment.

"Here we go!" Milton reappeared holding a small, gray phone with a tiny screen. "This is a great starter phone. Features calling and texting, nothing too advanced. A kid could get a hang of it in a week."

"And it's a Nokia!" exclaimed Steven. "These things are unbreakable!"

"Unbreakable, hm?" Turning the phone over in her hands, Pearl scanned the store for Amethyst, finding her juggling a few RC cars. A devilish smile appeared on her face, making Steven worried. 

"Pearl, what are you--" were the only words Steven managed to get out before Pearl chucked the phone at Amethyst, striking her directly on the forehead. She yelped, dropping the cars, which Garnet caught expertly.

"Hey, you messed up my record!" pouted the purple gem as Pearl retrieved the phone.

"Not a scratch..." smiled Pearl. "I'll take it."

-/-/-/-/-

With Steven, Connie, and Greg having phones, Pearl opted for the basic family plan. The issue of how to actually pay for it would come later, but more than likely it would be Greg's territory. 

And once they made it back to the temple, Pearl got it with both barrels.

"Call her!" screamed Steven and Amethyst, bouncing on their heels in perfect unison, wide smiles on their faces. "Call her, call her, call her!"

"I can't!" Pearl retorted, cheeks cyan. "She's...probably busy or sleeping, or...something!"

Steven was incredulous. "Sleeping? It's three in the afternoon!" 

"...Napping?"

"If you don't call her, I will!" Amethyst grabbed for the phone, Pearl just barely managing to get it out of her way. 

"Fine, I'll call!" Pearl typed in the number, thankful her memory was near photographic. She huffed and tapped her foot as the phone began to ring. "She's probably not even home, and I doubt she'd even remember--"

"Hello?" came a sultry, husky, confused voice from the other end of the line.

Faster than human or gem eye could track, Pearl reared her arm back and hurled her phone into the wall, blowing a fist-sized hole in the wood, followed by the tell-tale 'clunk' of plastic hitting rock.

Garnet was impassive as ever, Steven's jaw was nearly on the floor, and if Amethyst had lungs, they would be giving out from how hard she was laughing. Pearl covered her face with her hands and slumped to the floor, mortified. "She answered...I panicked."

Steven sprinted out the door to find the phone, and Pearl sighed into her hands. "What's that word that comes to mind? Dork? That's me. I'm definitely a dork."

Garnet knelt down and patted Pearl on the shoulder. "Perhaps. But you're _our_ dork."

Despite the situation, despite Amethyst's high possibility of laughing so hard she might poof herself by accident, Pearl couldn't help but smile.

"It still works!" shouted Steven from the beach.


End file.
